Scars
by Beautiful-Chaos-Girl
Summary: The Doctor and Donna get closer than ever, and both come away changed... and grateful. Rated T for adult intimacy and talk of surgical scenes. Please R


Scars

Donna pressed a sighing kiss to the Doctor's neck. His breathing started to come thick and fast, his chest rising and falling like the clappers. Donna smiled. "Geez Doctor, I've really got you going!"

The Doctor grinned back at her; his lips curling back to show all his shiny white teeth. He leant forward and kissed her back. He put his hands to her back pulling her closer to deepen the kiss. She put her hands under his shirt and along his back, lifting his shirt, she continued exploring his top half, running her hands up his back, across his hips and back again, up his neck and caressing his collarbones and then down his chest. Until she came to a piece of skin that was not like the rest. It was a hard bunched ridge that ran along his chest and was about the length of a pencil. It was a scar, an old, long healed scar. She touched it with the tips of her fingers. The Doctor gasped, seizing to a stony freeze.

"Doctor…?"

The Doctor emitted nothing but a few strangled noises.

"Doctor? Are you okay? What's wrong?"

Slowly, as if suddenly robotic, the Doctor looked down to where Donna's hand was resting. Then he looked back up at her, a wild look of panic etched on his face. As if burnt he tore away from her with a piercing cry, pulling his shirt down, seizing the sheets and pulling them over himself, though he was still fully clothed.

"Doctor!"

"Don't look at me! Please!"

"Doctor what's wrong?"

"It's nothing. I'm fine. Sorry for scaring you" the Doctor replied, sentences coming out like a volley of shots. He turned away from her and began to gather his things together. Donna darted forward and put her hand on his arm, stopping him.

"It's obviously not nothing. Look at you, you're shaking." She stroked his arm gently and leant her head on his back. She could hear his hearts were thumping away like racing horses. Bowing his head, the Doctor squeezed his eyes shut, refusing to cry.

"Doctor…. Do you trust me?" she asked him.

He was a bit floored by the question "Yes. Of course, yes"

"Then trust me with this. Please. Talk to me."

For one tense fragment of eternity nothing was said.

"Every regeneration" the Doctor said in a broken whisper

"What?"

"Every regeneration. Every body I've ever had. It's there. Everything else is different; all other scars fade and disappear but not this one. Every time I regenerate I pray it'll be gone but… it never is."

Donna knew she'd hit a nerve long exposed, so abandoned her usual brash, "go for the throat" attitude.

"How did it happen?"

The Doctor lifted his head and stared forward, steeling himself. He had his bottom lip clamped between his clenched teeth.

"You don't have to tell me…"

"No. I do. It's about time someone knew." He took a steadying breath and began.

"When I was young, I suffered from a heart condition called …. Cardio…. Cardiomyopathy." His voice shook for a moment but he got it back. "One of my hearts was dangerously enlarged and too weak to work. One day it became too dangerous for me to continue, even with support apparatus. So they had to do….emergency surgery to transplant in a new one. I used to be terrified of surgery, they had to restrain me and anesthetise me by force. They opened me up… right there on my living room floor." His voice broke again and this time he could not stop it. "They didn't… didn't have time for anything fancy… they just had to close me up as soon as possible. That's why the ugly scar. I was weak, broken, a disfigured coward and this is my scarlet letter"  
"No" Donna said suddenly. The Doctor looked up at her and was shocked to see her eyes blazing fiercely.  
"Donna…"  
"Stop it. Stop it right now. Don't you dare lie to yourself like that!"  
"I…"  
"That scar is _not _a scarlet letter. It is a badge of honour. Doctor, you survived open heart surgery! You could have died but you didn't. You survived and that scar is your proof. Proof of how strong you are. Don't you ever let yourself be ashamed of that"  
"It was a weakness…"  
"People who have not overcome weakness are not really strong. People who have never been frightened don't know what real courage is. You are strong Doctor, much more so than you think. …and I should know"  
"What do you mean?"

Slowly, Donna took hold of the hem of her shirt. Pulling it up a little she directed his gaze to a patch of skin on her lower stomach. Etched across it was a scar, much like his.  
"I don't understand"  
"Pancreatic cancer. Stage 2. So they took it out and gave me a new one." Her voice broke a little. "They gave me Dad's. He'd always wanted to be an organ donor. Too bad he was never around to see it, aye?"  
The Doctor stared at her, utterly stunned. "Donna, I never…"  
"I used to think like you, that it was disgusting. I was ashamed of it. I never let anyone see it. But you can't live like that; constantly humiliated by something you should be proud of. That's the only way I can sit here and show it to you now."  
Gingerly, his eyes continually flicking to hers to check it was alright, he reached forward and touched the tips of his fingers to the skin. Donna's breath hitched a little. Before she could blink she found the Doctor's lips were on hers and he was kissing her as if for dear life.  
"Thank you Donna" he said, his hot breath filling her mouth. "For everything"

Donna's heart was full to the point of overflowing. "Same to you, Spaceman. Same to you"


End file.
